Hurt
I didn’t want you to go to bed angry but you still went to bed angry. It seemed that you preferred to go to bed angry.
We haven’t been together for long but I feel happy whenever I’m with you. I thought I can be myself when I’m with you but I seem to be wrong. I have to mould myself into the perfect one for you. I feel like I’m a product.
It’s not easy being your girlfriend. You have lost your temper with me countless times. I made amends with you by going to your place without telling you, so that I can surprise you. I have even bought your favourite fruits to make you happy. You? None. However, you never saw my tears, my sadness or my heart brokenness every time your hurled hurtful words at me, taking revenge because you felt hurt by how much my actions or words. You never know how hurt I was each time you did that. I felt that you took delight in hurting me as much as you could because you were hurt and it didn’t matter that I was crying myself to bed or at work. Because you can’t see me.
All these while, I’m always the one who is wrong. It seems that I have to be perfect for you. I have to change for you. While I was expecting love, care and doing the best that you can provide for me. There were times I wished you would do something like surprise me or more but knowing you, you won’t because it’s not in you.
I don’t know what else I can do because all I do is make you angry. This time, I’m angry because I’m being forced into being someone I am not. I can’t be me. I have to fit into the mould of someone perfect in your mind. Sometimes, I wonder if you have been comparing me to someone and making me be that someone in your mind. And that someone is real but you just want me to be the same but perfect. While you cared about me, it seems that you cared more about me being someone who is supposed to be perfect for you.
I can’t because I’m me. I don’t like to be pressured and neither does you.
© WishBoNe for Write Affair, 2007. |
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